Political Vacancies In Nigeria

A foremost Political Party in Nigeria , popularly referred to as "The Ruling Party", requires for immediate appointment into the House of Representatives, a qualified Hooligan with the following professional qualifications:

First degree in Boxing or Kick boxing.

A Professional diploma in aggressive cover-up techniques.

MUST be a duly certified LIAR with vast experiencein corrupt practices.

Must be ready to shun the voices of the People inallegiance to the Party's wishes.

Possession of a falsified educational degree will be an added advantage.

Duly qualified candidates should please forward their detailed CV's to the Party Secretariat.

NB: Please note that candidates with deadly upper-cuts will be given preference.

The selection process will definitely be biased andopen to changes without notice, as this is part of the party policy.

Short listed athletes will be given a course in'Political Jargons' to familiarize them with the language of the tournament.

BEST OF LUCK!!

Kontis, this is one of the greatest posts around here. Kudos!

I wish to apply for this position.
I am a very serious liar,able to convince the world how breeze took bulldozer and caterpillars away,how locust invaded the N20 billion Naira rice / maize plantation leaving no trace of even the ground,Infact there is serious issue of erosion that will need minimum of 38 billion naira to be contained.
i have worked with many better politicians.
I hope I to be consider.
My reference:
Chief james Ibori
Olusege obasanjo
Atiku Abubakar and
General Sani Abacha (late).

Good candidate you are, 007! You have a great CV and unparalleled references. But you will have to cite more references to grab the job - maybe 20 more. You are the kind of person we need to finish off - sorry, to 'clean up' - this country.

ha.hah hahha ha hu ha ha.............
Sir Gem,How about him adding people like Prof Iwu to his cv?.

I am more qualify,don't consider him ,i will give you 50 percent first year dow.
My grandfather rules my state,my father rules and i am going to rule,although people complain that the road to my village is not tarred,i don't care ,i have not zone that to my village.
I am the right candidate,I can even zone my wife and children.
In fact this post was not zoned to 007,he is not a member of our graet party,he was suspended and will remain suspended despite contrary court injuctions.

I am beginning to lose my power of concentration and sense of judgement since Azeez's offer of 50%. This Azees appears to be a better candidate. I think I should allow Kontis to handle this matter and choose the best candidate, since I don't want to be tempted. Kontis, speak up.

I resist,neither 007 nor Azzez is qualify enough,This issue and case MUST be zoned to women and I am the right candidate,Mr Gembiz if you are the panel you know that you stand to gain more than 50% if you go with a woman,there are other goodies along................you know,so consider a woman for this position.
Like one of my sisters I can eat 200 billion in a week and receive a national award on top of that.

This Kontis de 'wicked' o. He shot an arrow in the air, and decided to take cover. Now, I have no choice but to (s)elect the best candidate. Ok, no problem. The rule is clear to everybody, I think. The position goes to the most ingenuous and most 'generous' candidate. Thus, the goal post will keep shifting until the former best candidate is outdone by the new best. For now, Lizzy has it! I can't resist over 50% of N200 bn per week plus other non-monetary goodies which a woman possesses. Fellow country people, don't you see that Lizzy is the right candidate? Azeez is too stingy - only 50%!

I am sorry I ve not been available "ko easy". HOWEVER, my first point of call is Oga gembiz,for going right behind my back lobbying and holding secret meetings about our great party choice of candidates,you and your factions are hereby suspended indefinitely, shikena !!!!
Lizzy 'No shakin",The the zoning formula will shift to women,a woman has many things to offer as gembiz has rightly said.

NO WAY,we will sue you to court kontis,what do you mean by the zoning formula has shifted to women,just like that because of a she,without any due deliberation.Where is the accord?.

Okay,you wan try me doc,I don't care to know where the party's Honda accord,Nissan or Mercedes is,too much English is suffering you,when you see the accord you can take it.
I am not afraid of banning you,in fact you are also suspended with your group along side Gembiz for crying out loud and speaking grammar.

I have always being part of docs group but now that he is suspended from the party and his group ,I am sorry doc ,you are on your own,this is money matter and I can not afford to miss that amount that will be allocated .Sorry biko ,when other issues arise ,I will support you.

This is serious.

Don't mind Kontis, Dr. He is the one that stands suspended for not 'transmitting' to us before his sudden disappearance. Now that he is back, what he met already done cannot be undone. If I were him, I would just not drag the matter further. He should remember that our women are very powerful. Lizzy still holds the banner, and only another woman of better offer and ingenuity can supplant her.