Which Lies do You Tell?

Lies are not restricted to stating the untruth. They also consist in modifying or refusing to disclose certain known facts. Thus, such innocuous-looking words as euphemism, diplomacy, discretion, secrecy, compliments, circumspection, caution and similar others have some elements of lies inbuilt in them, at least in some cases.

John was a close friend of James’. The latter had caught the wife of the former in a compromising condition with a strange man at a suspicious location. James decided to save his friend’s marriage and his wife’s family pride by keeping the secret to himself. That was a couple of decades ago. My simple mind then would have condemned James as a dangerous liar and a brutal accomplice in a dirty deal.

Now, I know better. Lies could be bad and lies could be good! It is the intention of a lie, or who the beneficiary of a lie is, that determines which lies are bad and which ones are good. Thus, lies told to hurt others or the whole society, or those intended for one’s narrow interests, are bad lies. On the contrary, any lies told, or facts withheld, in the interest of the larger society, or to avert or ameliorate a possible calamity, agony or stress to others, could be termed good.

Only recently, I, myself, directly engaged in or witnessed some good lies. While my youngest daughter was writing her high school final exams, the result of her university admissions exams, which she had earlier written, came out not in her favour. Not wanting this to affect her ongoing final exams, I withheld the fact from her. Indeed, I denied having checked the result on her behalf when she asked me, sermonizing that such an act could turn out to be a dangerous distraction to her. Although, I owned up to her immediately she wrote her last paper, I had remained a (good) liar while the withholding game lasted.

Similarly, when a close relation lost his wife recently, we all agreed to keep the bad news from her eldest children, all of whom are still minors, for fear of causing some uncontrollable bad reactions from them. We kept the information from them for some days until we had adequately softened their minds to receive the shocking news. We had been liars, good liars though, for those few days.

The corollary of bad and good lies is that there are good and bad truths! We often hear such sayings as “Call a spade a spade” and “Tell the truth and shame the devil”. Unfortunately, in some cases, the spade turns wild, badly cutting the caller and others concerned in the process. The devil could also refuse to be shamed, but end up the one who has a hearty laugh. For instance, it is telling a bad truth for a woman to voluntarily tell her husband, and the child concerned as well, that a child does not biologically belong to him after all! Such a truth is better tucked away as a top secret to be kept forever in the interest of everybody concerned. After all, all children actually belong to God, as they are mere guests in our homes!

Note: I contributed the article above a few months ago at: http://www.qondio.com/some-lies-are-good

“Call a spade a spade” and “Tell the truth and shame the devil”. Unfortunately, in some cases, the spade turns wild, badly cutting the caller and others concerned in the process. The devil could also refuse to be shamed, but end up the one who has a hearty laugh. For instance, it is telling a bad truth for a woman to voluntarily tell her husband, and the child concerned as well, that a child does not biologically belong to him after all! Such a truth is better tucked away as a top secret to be kept forever in the interest of everybody concerned. After all, all children actually belong to God, as they are mere guests in our homes!

Thanks for t5his a million times,Some truth are actually not to be told always and that does not make them to be a lie.